Only a mothe r could love this liver
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
