I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
