You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
