I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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