I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
