Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
