Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Your cock deserves a montage
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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