ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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