drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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