Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
