dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize