i can't believe i had my finger in that
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
