I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I think weed is turning my hair brown
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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