I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
