My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
and she was petting her beer can
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Randomize
