actually, I'm a sock model
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
