i think my mom watched the whole time
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
