i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
