dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
