no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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