white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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