Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
