Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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