saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
