he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
