i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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