I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
