He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
