I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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