i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You know, be my cock's hype man.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
