i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
