i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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