my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
