When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
