I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
