? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
