So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
