Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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