Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
