She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
