Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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