Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You made out with two different species that night
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize