is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
