I wanna bring you to show and tell
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
