if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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