How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
