Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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