how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
