2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
