I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Randomize
