How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
