need another drink. this is the easiest way
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize