On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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