it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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