She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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