end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
