It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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