The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
