I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
