The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
