Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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