We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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