I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
