I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
