Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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