I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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