You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
