i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
