I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
