I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
