Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
