I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I wish I only lived at night.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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