Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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