I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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