in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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